Whats love got to do with that anyways??????

The Where:Forum Value Mall, Whitefield,
The When:20 May 2010 9:08 PM
The Why: Kites Paid Premier


The seconds ticking away has us threading through the small crowd and making way to Screen 2.Much of the harassment on roads (the traffic hold up) ,as it turns out, is only a precursor to another on screen for the next 130 minutes,only its done up with a lot more gloss and chutzpah.


Touted as a biggie this summer, Bollywood has awaited with bated breath , the duo of Mori-Hrithik, who are hogging global air time more for their fizzling..oops sizzling pair up than for their acting credentials. Must say the PR machinery behind this movie is well oiled and fine tuned enough to make you want to scurry to its premier on a Thursday late night show.


Before I proceed I should probably make a Disclaimer: I appreciate a good story, nice piece of drama, respect performers and their art and have absolutely no hidden agenda on Hrithik. Being an art aficionado I place greater value on see for yourself and find out than rely on what the waves are made with the media. 


Having grown up on a staple diet of masala movies and as one among the coming of age audience of Bollywood today I think we know better than to part with our money and time on another run of the mill love story from the B factory churned out with amazing regularity and shamelessly stereotyped. I wish the filmmakers would give us some more credit.
So,is it a love story then?

Wonder if i should bother with the plot at all (btw, I am still looking.. for the story). Ain't the trailers given enough insights folks? And believe them, you must .Cause the trailers are/ were by far the best way to watch this movie. 


The Premise: 
Avaricious Ms Mori  aka Nattashhah ( i love that zing in her name) aka Linda and screen scorcher Jay , Hrithik, court the love of siblings of a rouge wealthy family in Vegas (god bless the casino's), a newbie and Kangana respectively. Both the leads " i need the money , oh! i have such a sob story to pine after it" act does nothing to your heart strings. Surprise Surprise. Linda-Jay have a past ( beaten to death, marry me for the Green card track)...and their present rekindles the flames (and with enough reasons..one cant blame them entirely...they are gorgeous people after all!)
The rich spoilt brat roughs up the ,no -English-only Spanish speaking Mexican Miss who happens to be his fiancée. 
Hero has an Epinephrine stroke and the two are on the run from world at large. What with false accusations of  robbing millions of casino, a bank, hijacking a pick up van on gun point and escaping from the Vegas Policia on a hot air balloon. This coupled with the narrative style of back n forth through time mucks up your already befuddled brain.
Followed up with police on car chases (yawn! haven't we had enough of those!!!! sadly most of em are blown up anyways) local goons who make their presence felt, the language confusion,a dutiful friend's act of love ( nobody told him..Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first),the female leads strutting in bikini's,couple of steamy lip locks, a visit to Ms Mori's poor " ...but oh my hearth burns of love "family,trigger happy bad guys, some more gunshots and fireworks...all make up for a regular Bollywood fare.


What makes it watchable? 
The actors look great. The cast puts up a fairly decent performance.The package is stylish and trimmed neatly at the edges ( albeit I still vote for a cut in the running time ). The music tracks are nice to sing along. Nothing much to write home about.


What makes it such a drag? 
The storyline is predictable and doesn't meander to be a class apart(let alone make an effort to be one) and sticks to the safe paradigms of formulas that work on an Indian audience.
Not one scene, to leave the theater with ,that you haven't seen before. Background score are jarring and ill timed on at least a dozen occasion and takes away from the scene and basically has the Domino effect.


Why is poor, sulking Ms Kangana been sidetracked ? Her presence in the silly climax ( she misses her mark considering she must have enough reasons to.no in fact she should have them trained on the director.lol). 


The smattering of crowd bursts out into loud giggles as the unshaven,rugged, black eyed, dry lipped, choked, teary eyed lover boy takes the leap.Why we even heard some hoots and whistles. The only comic relief in its entirety. 


The biggest of all things  that could and subsequently does go wrong with this project is its uncertainty. You can never be sure if this was a love story, an action movie, a thriller......


Unless you are a die hard Hrithik disciple you can give this a miss and pledge to wait for a movie that acknowledges an intelligent audience. For all the hype and wait this sure is a let down. But if you must kill time on a hot weekend, grab those  overpriced junks (yes the quintessential popcorns, taco's and cola's) and cool off in the air conditioned environs so the deal will seem worth it.


Seen nothing in the offie on 70 mm that interests me particularly for the next few weeks ..and in the run up to "Ravaan" sometime mid June, which seems to be ruling the roost in media and charts currently.

The credits roll and crowd is dispersing quickly,eventually thins out to a trickle, I am sizing up the movie and trying hard to collect my thoughts, form an opinion and contribute to the talks on the film.


As overheard in the movie hall: " Chod na yaar! Utni buri bhi nahi thi.....We Indians are getting a lot more impatient."

Sigh.Nothing justifies a mediocre output I would say.

Give us value for money and give us quality dear film makers.That's the sole marketing strategy you will ever need. 


The verdict: Passably enjoyable if you don't tax your brains and set ur expectations on the sky lest kites leaves you high and dry.


P.S: If you still wondering on the "why" of this post's title someone please explain why Kites? It could well be Blue..on the hindsight why was that creep of a movie christened that?...Shudder!