There I was,
Shiver just beneath my skin,
The chill deep in my spine,
Confused, where should I begin?
To tell you,
what you have come to mean.
That I wanted a bit of you
to make it all of mine.
In between my fumbles
you said something.
Your lips moved,
All seeming mumble jumbles.
And then, it caught my ear.
The legs gave away,
unable to bear.
For an eternity,
The moment stood still.
The ground beneath, jerked.
My head swimming.
My eyes tearing,
against my will.
Your words hung
like a pall of gloom.
All I felt until then
assigned to doom.
You were going away.
In pursuit of your dreams
I stood there,
smiling, crying,
pendulating in extremes.
The words had long since
died on my lip.
Like a ragged doll,
Nodding wildly,
Limp in your grip.
I shook within,
violently,
in over whelming
disappointment.
And you thought
it natural ,
the shock,
the excitement.
In minutes that ensued,
I can't recall,
no matter,
all blurred and hazy.
Your chatter,
incessant and lively.
I remember being
unusually subdued.
With each heavy step,
The tire ran through the veins,
Your infectious joy rub
salt on my unseen pains.
As you took leave,
so did my verve.
So did every drop of
you in my nerve.
As you took leave,
Our times together,
dousing my soul
in immeasurable grieve.
Every inch of me
wanting to ask you to stay.
The urge dying when I see
your joy in going away.
I feel loved in knowing
Happy you are,
Wherever it be, you will
never be from my soul afar.
Note: This is a sequel to the poem "I love you' as also in response to the comments for that post.
Adios.
Note: This is a sequel to the poem "I love you' as also in response to the comments for that post.
Reminds me of the time I was in love.. sigh!
ReplyDeleteThe poem is complete in conveying what it wants to. Doesn't leave a feeling of needing more or "these could have been included", it's these which makes the above poem in my eyes, simply great. In addition few other qualities need mention, they are:-
ReplyDeleteExcellent depiction of separation covers every nerve of it seamlessly, yet leaves a deep impact in one's heart.
Makes one Nostalgic, lady I got to say you got that in you to pinch where it matters most without a weapon, well pen is mightier than sword!!! This is what makes this particular piece beautiful. This single quality in my eyes is enough to bring this under the "great category"
Poems/prose should make one think, should leave an impact. This effectively does that. Ohh... how well the pangs of separation, the inner turmoil undergone, the magnanimous feeling in the end portrayed, simply wonderful!!! Bundle of emotions captured so beautifully, tied together in a bouquet of crying yet smiling flowers makes this simply marvelous.
Gives a feeling that the complete sets of events/feelings/happennings have been covered from beginning to end in one set, this is what touched my heart.
This poem shows that grief, sorrow and pain can be captured and projected in an effective way without much melodrama, without indulging in bombastic wordings, without beating round the bush. These traits in a poem are the ones which touch one's heart and make an everlasting impact
Takes one back in time!!!
Above all the free flowing style, nice rendering of emotions makes this thoroughly enjoyable. I think what I wanted to say has been said by other commentor in just one sentence, which needs a small correction:
“Reminds me of the time I was in love… sigh!” Should have “Reminds me of the time I bade my love good bye... sigh!” the last word “..sigh!!..” captures the essence!!!
It's Touching :-)
ReplyDelete